Monday Reflections: Lingering Monster

A fun-filled night out with friends.
A few good smiles and laughs.

Some heartbreaking news.
Some sorrow-filled tears.

Whatever the reason.
Whatever the cause.

The memories still haunt.
The monster still lingers.


I’ve been seizure free for 15 months now. It’s a length of time that I thought I would never see again, but I finally did! As the distance of when my last seizure occurred increases, you’d think the fear would have slowly faded away by now. This is not the case.

There is no certainty that the monster will never strike again. There isn’t a lifetime guarantee, and there is a lot of fine print to read.

The decisions I make everyday are not made lightly. If I want to stay up late and have fun with my friends, I need to carefully consider the consequences and take steps to minimize them.

When things become overwhelming and the heartache is very strong, I need to remind myself to focus, cope, cry and move on.

Whether the moment is created by extreme happiness or sad misfortune, the monster can still be triggered. That cloud of fear won’t ever be gone, but I need to step back and just breathe.

Neither of us chose this, but neither of us need to go through this alone. One can’t always be strong, and I’ve stumbled a lot more times than I’ve let on. But I’ve found a place where I can listen and be heard, and you should find yours, too.

Finding your place can make a world of difference, and today I reflect on that.

Epilepsy Foundation of Texas: Support Groups

Monday Reflections: One in twenty-six

Twenty-six people living ordinary lives.
Some learning to walk for the very first time.
Others with wrinkles around their eyes.
All filled with dreams waiting to be realized.

Then, one of those twenty-six is caught off guard.
Their greens turned red. Their ups turned upside down.
Their life taken away by a silent, electrical terrorist.

One in twenty-six people will hear three life changing words.

You have epilepsy.

I’m the one in 26.

I will always be tired.
I will always have a foggy memory.
I will always be a tiny bit moody.
I will always wonder why.

But I will never give up.
I will fight for the next one in twenty-six.
I will be there to offer a helping hand.


Living with epilepsy isn’t easy, but it hasn’t been all bad. I’ve learned how strong I can truly be, and how I can make a difference. This past month, I was able to offer some advice to a girl who had just been diagnosed. Being able to help her make sense of everything and guide her through this difficult time has made every painful moment worthwhile. If I had decided not to get back up all those times I thought I couldn’t, I wouldn’t be able to offer her solace today. Sticking it out is difficult, but never impossible. Today I reflect on that. 


Punch-out edited

It might take time, but you can always knockout your obstacles and fears. I let epilepsy gaze into the fist of my strength, and now it has no power over me.

It isn’t going to be easy, but we all have the ability to overcome the impossible.

We can ALL defeat epilepsy one punch at a time!


Epilepsy Defeated


The left and the right brain, they didn’t much agree.
I had to tell the doctor. It was time for him to intervene.

The journey was not pleasant, but neither was it bad.
I found strength in my weakness.
I found courage I thought I’d never have.

I’m grateful for all I’ve been through,
For the love and support I’ve had along the way.

I’m not ashamed, but proud to wear my scar.
It reminds me I’m stronger than epilepsy.

 One year ago today, I let the doctor poke at my brain. I guess what he did kind of worked because I’ve been seizure free ever since.

To others out there just like me, I want to wish you a Happy Brainaversary!

Finding Strength in Sadness

heart sketch

My heart is heavy.
There’s a lump in my throat.

I’m trying to stay steady.
I’m trying to stay afloat.

Why did this happen?
This just isn’t right.

This is hard to imagine
But I need to come to light.

This fight isn’t over.
I won’t let you down.

I’ll regain my composure.
And together we’ll be strong.

Monday Reflections: Life’s Deal

Sometimes we win at poker and sometimes we don’t. We can’t expect to always be dealt a good hand of cards. When the chips are down, it feels hard to go on. This is why I have my smiling pokerface.

Smile girl smile
Though the world hits you hard

Smile girl smile
Though the problems keep on piling

Smile girl smile
Though your eyes start crying

Smile girl smile
Smiling keeps you living
Smiling keeps you strong

As I feel stronger and healthier each day, I see someone I love going the opposite direction. Sometimes I can’t fix everything, although I’d like to, but there are two things I can do. I can be strong for her as she was for me. I can smile as she smiled for me. We can’t expect to be dealt a good hand, but we also can’t forget there is a joker in the pack. We can always keep hoping.

As the memories of last week flow through my mind, I smile because of the time I got to spend with my loved one. I smile to show her everything will be alright. She smiles to show me how happy and grateful she is. It’s the strength in her smile that I think about. It’s a beautiful picture I will keep and cherish dearly.

Monday Reflections: The Grace in My Cross

Tears roll down my eyes and fall to rest on my cheek. Inside, an indescribable feeling takes form. I’m happy and blessed with more than I could possibly need. A smile forms across my face because love surrounds me. There is no need for anything else.

Lent has concluded, but its truth remains in my heart. I am reminded of the joy within. It helps me recall that indescribable feeling. It’s the Spirit inside me moving, healing and lifting the pain.

Life is filled with good and bad times, but I wouldn’t change a thing. When things felt unbearable, He was always there to carry me. For a long time, I viewed my epilepsy as an evil barrier I would never overcome. I wondered what I did wrong and caused this to occur. A storm of fury and fear filled me. I reflect on this and realize there is a bigger plan in store for me.

We all carry a cross. Mine has been epilepsy. These past five years were filled with constant challenges. I am so much more because of the things I crossed along my path. I am saved because of what He did for us. I will always be His child, and He will always be there for me. With this reminder, I realize why I am here.

I am here to help, support and love those around me. The grace in my cross is learning how I can be there for them. I come to understand what true strength really is and know my faith will always guide me. I learn this and I realize everything will be just right.