Monday Reflections: Finding Yourself

 

The atmosphere is but a blank canvas. Color exists only in the form of charcoal grays. I’m standing in the middle of nowhere where the mountains are my only companions.

I tip toe across this rocky terrain hoping not to fall through the cracks. In this place, I’m searching for the girl I used to know. I’m looking to find traces of her existence that might still remain.

Somewhere between the right and left hemispheres she got lost along the way. Frenzied neurons swept her into unknown territory. The instrument she had relied on became disrupted and left her in disarray.

Among the towering lobes, she fell into a chasm that would become her home. The beauty she’d known had turned into fear. She’d forgotten to laugh and smile. She lost all confidence and became the wallflower in the room.

I walk steadily through my journey, but the ground begins to shake. The once settled dust is awakened by a strong gust of wind. The seismic event becomes more violent. I attempt to hold my ground and not let the sharp jolts overcome me, but unconsciousness takes its course. I have no control over the situation and am overpowered once again. After a few minutes, the waves have calmed down. I’m left weary, confused and nauseous. My muscles are sore, and the painful headaches begin. I can taste the red iron spilling from my mouth, but I am happy to have survived.

I’m not sure how long I’ve roamed this lonely landscape. After what seemed eons, my hope slowly started to fade. I thought my search had been in vain, but right when I thought I had found the end to nowhere, something happened.

Nestled in the middle bottom part of the cortex, right behind the temples, I found her. With her arms wrapped around her knees in a sitting fetal position, you could tell time had taken its toll on her. In that dark place, she was the only light. It wasn’t as bright as I remembered, but it was still burning.

As I drew closer, she looked up at me with sad eyes. With what little strength I had left, I picked her up and told her everything was going to be alright. She smiled, and her light began to glow brighter. It soon replaced the darkness and lit up the atmosphere like radiant fireworks on the Fourth of July.

In the middle of nowhere, where no color remained, I found myself. I remembered the happy, outgoing, and nerdy girl I used to be before I ever had this affliction. In that moment, I reflected on everything that happened before and after, and promised myself I would never again let her go. I would turn those grays into vivid colors, and paint my canvas of a life full of promise and hope.

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