I wake up to a sunrise, but inside it feels like a sunset. It’s not the soft, golden kind. It’s more of a melancholy blue. I said I wouldn’t let the monster in my head win, but some days the struggle is just so difficult.
It’s effortless to write about the wonderful, happy filled moments. It’s very tough to write about the sadness and pain stirring inside. No one wants to feel the latter, but this blog would hold no truth, if I didn’t write about the bad too.
Before my seizures were primarily the convulsive kind, I paid little to no attention to the passing of time. As I work toward seizure freedom, measuring the time between each seizure is something I never fail to think about.
When will the next one strike? What if it happens when I am alone? Is my current medication strong enough this time around? Does the increasing time between each episode mean they will stop occurring completely? Will the medication eventually stop making me feel so sleepy and tired?
Today has been a struggle. I’ve definitely frowned more today than I have in a long time.
I said I wouldn’t let the monster in my head win. I said this time was going to be different, and I will continue to hold those statements true.
Epilepsy, my unwanted friend, you may have brought me down a little today, but the day isn’t quite over. And I’m determined to end it with a smile on my face.