Death.

As I attempt to organize and free up space on my laptop, I stumbled upon this. I wrote it right after my grandfather’s passing, and the words ring true right now more than ever. This month is the 8th anniversary of my grandfather’s death, and in a few days, it will be two-months since my grandmother passed away.

Flashback –  August 2006

*********************************************************

Death.

The word that seizes life and brings long-lasting sadness to others.

How can the world keep going when everything I’ve known has fallen apart? It’s amazing how life can continue and time stands still. These past days have certainly not been what I expected them to be.

I wish I had never awoken today.

Sleeping. Unconsciousness. Anything, but what this ghastly day would bring.

The death of loved ones initiates a wave of sorrow. It is a constant pulse of pain and suffering. It is a pulse that can be felt in the hearts of the living. It is a pulse that no longer beats in the dead.

The image of his lifeless figure vividly remains in my mind. Those eyes that once glistened no longer retain their sparkle. Instead, a cold, pale, inanimate figure lies before me.

What I would give to change the course of his destiny. What I would do to seek vengeance on his killer. What I would…

A whirlwind of emotions flutters in my veins. Love lost. Pain endured. Anger renewed.

Yesterday’s journey was much more fair. It kept everyone out of harm’s way.  Today’s greed was malignant. It wrongfully took what it did not own.

I cannot say my melancholy will pass. I cannot say I will ever be the same. Uncertainty is as clear as certainty ever was. I love him who I now miss so dearly.

Death took you by surprise. It hastily did not let you say your last goodbyes.

Swiftly as it came, the harm it left did not leave so easily.

Wherever you are, remember this. I will take care of those you left behind. I will make sure they recover from your loss.

I love you. I miss you. I will never forget you.

Death, why did you come? You seized his life. You brought us pain.

I wish I had never awoken today.

*********************************************************

When I believe I’ve come to accept what has happened, I eventually realize I somehow never did. Time comes and goes. Life isn’t meant to be one constant moment, and several times I fail to remember this.

I know it’s difficult to let go of the pain, but we mustn’t let it become us. If there is one thing I’ve learned from both my grandparents, besides being stubborn, it’s that with faith anything is possible. With my faith, anything along my path will always be nothing less than bearable.