Happy in My Tears

fountain sketch

My eyes turned into waterworks the other day. Although tears coated my cheeks, I had a smile on my face. It wasn’t bad news or unhappiness, which caused this to occur. Pain and sadness aren’t always the reason for this display of emotion. It was my thoughts of the past and present, which made me cry.

I’ve gone 5 ½ months without a seizure. It’s amazing to see how much has changed in so short a time.

I remember how my days were filled with clouded confusion. Fog created by seizures left me in pain and exhaustion. Writing down how many, what type, and how long a seizure lasted in my epilepsy diary was routine. There is no need for that anymore.

I cry because of how happy I am. I can go through an entire day and feel normal. Temporary amnesia due to seizures does not follow me. I can say that I forgot something because I simply can’t remember. I don’t have to worry about having a lifetime of memories erased by seizures.

Tears of joy fall because I know I will have a brighter future. Barriers that used to plague me are slowly fading. I’m learning to live independently a little more each day, and it’s nice to know that I can depend on myself to get the task done. I can be me once again.

There is no denying that I feel haunted by my past. In a sense, I believe we all are. We just need to remind ourselves it is far behind us now. With so much to look forward to, there isn’t anything that will dampen my spirits.

I’ve overcomed my most difficult challenges. New ones will arise, but there isn’t anything I can’t overcome. I may be a fountain raining tears, but I’m a happy one. Happy is good. With a lit up face, I will smile and face the world head-on.

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